Why should we also think about our personal relationships while at work?

Recently, while I was researching the topic of communication and feedback, I came across the following sentence: “Everyone should be given feedback since any form of response will give us direction.” Research has shown that young people growing up in isolation cannot get to know themselves at all. 

We need the tension and the reflection that we experience in the contact with people to become self-aware of ourselves. More specifically: we need relationships!
We have long since accepted this fact in our private lives: we live in families, in partnerships, are part of a clique, have a best friend...

But why are relationships in our daily business lives becoming more and more important?

Traditional structures that have been in existence for a long time are losing their significance. For example: The leaders who channel communication to their employees in a star-like manner and represent the center of communication are becoming a rarity. Instead, many teams work together, based on self-organization, in alternating roles and various decision-making structures which, under extreme circumstances, will be realigned on a case-by-case basis. All of a sudden, good relationships between all colleagues will become relevant – often across department and team borders. It is important that all people involved interact on an equal footing, ensure attentive communication, and provide each other with feedback. This is the only way to create an effective team. A self-organized team cannot afford to have two team members not getting to grips with each other. Previously, when communication almost exclusively was conducted bilaterally via the boss, such a case would not have had that huge of an impact.

What can a team do to promote good working relationships?

First of all, it is important to accept that taking care of relationships within a team is part of our work. 

Relationships occur “between the lines”, they are hard to grasp. So how can we take care of them? They essentially consist of the two pairs of values of ‘Security and Comfort’ as well as ‘Growth and Evolvement’.

The first pair of values ‘Security and Comfort” describes whether I can count on my colleague and vice versa. Am I or my colleague predictable in our reactions in similar situations? In order to guarantee this reliability for my colleague, I must be very much on alert with myself because we all have our own ‘sensitive issues’. As far as such issues are concerned, it is important not to rely on a stimulus-response pattern and – because I’m in autopilot mode – to unconsciously fall back on blaming and accusing other people. This requires a very intensive self-care and self-perception to ensure that reactions and communication are attentive at any time. 

The second pair of values ‘Growth and Evolvement’ describes the feedback culture prevailing between two people or within a team. The major question is: Can both individuals support each other to enable their personal development by providing each other with appreciating feedback on their work on a regular basis? The term “appreciating”, as used in this context, does not only mean positive feedback, but also constructive feedback. Attentive feedback is often strongly based on the principles of non-violent communication according to Rosenberg.

Taking care of relationships also means taking responsibility for the relationship. Disruptions on a relationship level have to be addressed on a timely basis. This is how to avoid conflicts. The same applies as was mentioned for feedback on work: allegations are a no-go; instead, I describe what I have observed and my reactions and emotions that were triggered. 

In an nutshell: Yes, feelings and emotions are part of our day-to-day business. Because there is no relationship without feelings. 


Addendum: Non-violent communication according to Rosenberg
Especially with critical feedback, it is important that the feedback provider follows these four steps:

  1.  she describes the relevant observation entirely without judgement
  2.  she names her own feelings 
  3.  she names her own needs in the situation described
  4.  she expresses a wish


This text first appeared in my newsletter 'Innovation on Wednesday'. It is published every other Wednesday. For subscription click here


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Andrea SchmittInnovationstrainerinAm Mittelpfad 24aD 65520 Bad Camberg+49 64 34-905 997+49 175 5196446
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